Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm Taking a Risk of Embarrassment

This is a moment of udder embarrassment...See, around last January, or maybe earlier, I really don't know, I started a story just with the first two lines of this one...I thought maybe I could use it in another essay or story later...then one day, when I was bored, I added to I re-read it, added a bit, and I have decided to risk complete humiliation by posting this story, written on a's just really, really cheesy...or maybe it's not and I just think so, but anyway, here it is...feel free to give constructive criticism...or just criticize:

"I will NOT chew my nails, I will NOT chew my nails." Kaitlin thought, as she headed down the hall, dodging other students who were mingling with their friends, as she headed to her English classroom. Jeez, people really need to get time management classes , she thought, as she glanced at groups of kids still talking together, when there were only a few precious seconds left before the next class started. Shouts of "Hey, Taylor, do you have a piece of gum?", and "Yo, Matt, can I borrow a pencil?" filled her ears. Kaitlin saw her friend, Naomi ahead of her, and she ran up to her, "Hey, Naomi, what's your next class?"
"Health, ugh, such a bore," Kaitlin's tall, olive skinned friend answered with a sigh.
"Haha, I have English! Much better-oh, wait, no it isn't , I have a test today! Oh, shoot, I forgot to study! Oh, I'm thinking of the Social Studies test, I didn't study for THAT, but I did the English guide."
"No worries, there's a sub in Social Studies, so no test! Good luck! Tell me later how the English test was!"
"I will, bye Naomi!"

Kaitlin entered the class, annoyed to find that she was late. She slipped cautiously into her seat, knowing that any minute her teacher, Ms. Mooney, would scold her for being late, but looking up after she sat down, she found that her teacher wasn't there. They had a substitute. YES! She thought joyfully, realizing she was free of being yelled at. Class was uneventful, and Kaitlin continued through her day.

Kaitlin stared anxiously at the clock: Just 2 more minute....50 seconds...20...10...BRING! The loud whine of the school bell filled the air, signaling that school was over. Kaitlin bolted out of her seat, her blue backpack swinging on her shoulder. She jogged through the hall, skipped quickly down the school steps and onto the sidewalk. She turned a a left at the street corner, and sprinted down the street. Slowing after a few moments, she grabbed a granola bar out of her bag, opened the package, and biting into it she planned her next few hours. Okay, when I get to the barn I'll take Poncho out of his paddock, groom him, saddle up....Maybe Naomi will ride with us today. We could take a nice little trail ride, maybe jump the stream a little...Oh, but Checker's, Naomi's horse, is lame...darn woodchuck hole. Hadn't he stepped in it, we would be riding today...well, she may be able to rent out a horse, we'll see....

After a 15 minute walk, Kaitlin arrived at the stable where the horse she was leasing, a brown and white paint pony, Poncho, was kept. She slowed to a walk as she walked into the stable yard, remember the "No running around the horses" rule. She stepped into the stable's storage room and put her backpack into one of the many mini lockers that were used for the rider's belongings. She traded it in for her helmet and jeans. Turning from her locker she met the cold stair of fellow rider Annabelle Tailor. Annabelle was a skilled rider and owned a pure bred Thoroughbred gelding named Kingston, King for short. Kaitlin smiled icily back at her, remembering the argument they had had the day before. They had had a discussion over horse feed. Poncho was fed normal, feed store brand sweet feed, but Annabelle had been throwing a fit over the fact that Kingston wasn't getting high quality, expensive show horse feed. Kaitlin had kind of lost her temper, shouting about how she was so spoiling her horse, and it wouldn't kill him to eat regular food.
"So, out to ride your little pony?" Annabelle asked dryly.
"Yes, I am out to ride. How about you, going to ride her spoiled, 'perfect' horse? You handle him so well-love the way you let him go galloping yesterday and lost the reins-such a great horse." Kaitlin turned, knowing she had won the argument, and headed out the door. She met up with Naomi in the aisle. "Hey, are you going to ride today?"

Naomi sighed "No, I don't have time, I have to ice Checker's hoof, and hand walk him a little, and clean his stall, and make him a bran mash, and probably be stuck cleaning tack, or lugging hay bales and water buckets...oh, but I really want to ride!"

"Hmmm...well, I guess you can't really get out of that stuff, huh? If you want you can hop on Poncho after I ride today to cool him off while I clean off some tack or feed Checkers. Do you want you?" Kaitlin asked, hoping it would cheer her friend up.

"Yeah...yeah, that's a good idea, long as you don't mind."

"No, of course I don't! I'll probably be back from riding around 4:30, so check the arena around that time!" Kaitlin said, and after saying a quick goodbye to Naomi she headed to the tack room, grabbed Poncho's western saddle and bridle and hurried to his stall.



Gudl said...

Well, that sounds like a 'realty story'.... out of your world! I think you used good words.
I found one 'typo'...stare instead of 'stair' (at Anabelle, was that her name?)
Keep up the good work! You ARE a writer!!

Mike said...

Hey I haven't read the story yet, but would love to point out that you wrote "udder embarrassment" instead of "utter." Udder is where we get milk, while utter means complete and total. Haha :-) Now I'll read your post.

Mike said...

Ok, Bonus comment, two for-one special. You're right, the story was cheesy, in a "let's argue about what our horses eat" kind of way, but your writing is becoming pretty good! Not sure if I liked BRING as the sound of the bell or not, but I liked how the Anabelle asked Kaitlin "dryly" about her pony :D

mitzi said...

I liked the argument -- about how Kaitlen says that Anabelle lost control of her riens while she was galloping (sp?). lol :) Then she was like, 'Such a good horse.' That was my favorite! You know, I think you should write and publish a horse book some day. You have real talent as a writer, and you know plenty about horses!

mitzi said...

I can't wait to hear the rest of this story!

Sarah said...

I liked it! You are a good writer! I LOVED the argument! I can't wait to hear more!